Sophia’s Story
When I was pregnant, I read birth stories constantly. I listened to birth podcasts. I couldn’t put down Ina May Gaskin’s books. I found so much comfort and saw so much beauty in reading and hearing about all the ways that birth could go. It’s no surprise that my midwife Kara, hears consistently from clients that reading birth stories can be so helpful as they prepare for homebirth. During a recent website update, Kara asked clients of hers to write their birth stories for her to share on her site. This story is written by Kara and my shared client, Sophia. Sophia graciously agreed to share her beautiful story here as well, along with some of the images I created during her labor and birth.
No doubt that you will be sucked into Sophia’s beautiful writing. And while no set of birth photos look even remotely the same, I hope you can also see a bit of the way I capture a story unfolding. From the first text of communication, capturing the joyful connection in the dark room during active labor, the intensity of the moment of birth, to the sweet rest in those early postpartum moments.
It is always an honor to be part of and document these families’ stories.
Technical notes: All photos (with the exception of the screenshots of Sophia’s texts) are created with a Canon r5 with a 35mm 1.4 lens. Labor photos are taken with available light only (candles and twinkle lights, a flashlight in the shower during transition) and a high ISO. Flash was only used for the moment of birth (bounced flash at 1/64 power.) Postpartum photos are back to using available light only. The very last postpartum photo was taken with a Canon EOS1V, 50mm 1.2 lens, with 800 ISO film.
Sophia’s story.
First off, I want to preface by saying the care that I received from Kara was the best care that I’ve ever received from any provider.
Secondly, as a Labor & Delivery Nurse, I’ve seen so many providers rush through such special moments that perinatal care has to offer. However, every visit with Kara gave me the space and internal understanding of how to enjoy my pregnancy by simply slowing down. I will be forever grateful for every visit I had with such a legendary midwife.
Ok, my birth story, here goes:
Prior to 41 weeks of pregnancy, I had many nights of start and stop early labor. Kara had done a couple membrane sweeps and at 41 weeks I was hanging out at 4.5 cm dilated. I felt the urge to try castor oil to get things going. Kara and I talked closely, and considering how dilated I was, she felt I was a good candidate to make it happen.
At 1:30pm on November 17th, 2023 I drank castor oil in a fruit smoothie. It tasted like fruit covered crayons. I had sent out a message to my whole team which included a birth photographer, my midwives, and my doula. All the women present at my birth all had babies with Kara, which made it felt special and sacred.
Texts from Sophia to the birth team.
After doing my best to stay calm and keep the smoothie down, I cleaned my house, listened to some music, got my 2 yo daughter set up with my mother in law, and ate some dinner. I did my final lap of nesting, I was ready. Since I had been experiencing contractions off and on for weeks now, I wasn’t sure if these contractions would stay. I asked my husband to blow up the birthing tub just in case.
A couple weeks prior to the birth, my husband, Kevin, bought some lava lamps because he thought it would be funny / cool to have them going during labor to set a funky mood. After I plugged in the lava lamps and began to watch the lava morph around, I felt a sudden shift in my contractions that I hadn’t felt before.
I messaged my doula to let her know that it might be a good idea to head over. Around 5pm, my doula showed up and the contractions started to fizzle out. My inner, people-pleasing personality had scared them away. My doula even said “they fizzled out because I showed up”. I realized in that moment how much of the mind-body connection really matters for labor to begin. I had to tune in with that quiet primal side for oxytocin to be released.
Around 6pm I called Kara, I told her that I was having inconsistent contractions that weren’t progressing. She told me to drink a little more castor oil, take a bath, and just relax.
Shortly after I got into the bath, it began to rain. With candles lit, lights off, music on, I watched the lightning through my bathroom skylight as the storm intensified. Lightning storms in San Francisco are very rare and it felt like a sign that the birth gates were opening for me. As my doula and I looked up through the skylight to watch the rain, I could feel my baby descending further into my pelvis. It was a wild and peaceful feeling.
I got out of the bath because I felt the sudden urge to poop. It wasn’t poop like pushing poop, it was my old friend castor oil making its way through my bowels. It was diarrhea on a level I had only experienced while traveling through China, so you can imagine.
After greeting my castor oil poops, my contractions came back online. My doula began doing light counter pressure while I draped over a yoga ball. At 7:10pm, my water broke on my living room floor like a water balloon hitting the ground. The flood gates were fully open now. My husband and I looked at each other and started laughing with the realization that this was actually happening. We began to fill the birthing tub and I made the call to Kara.
Next, I found myself totally naked working through contractions in bed as the birthing tub continued to fill. Slowly and quietly, the midwives and my photographer trickled into my candle lit home. Each one of them silently gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek or forehead. Their kisses and hugs felt like a blessing to me as I began this rite of passage.
I decided to get in the warm birthing tub, my doula and Kevin stayed poolside through every contraction, while my midwives seamlessly bear witness, checked heart tones and blood pressure, and snuggled with my dog, Chief, on the couch. It was perfect and peaceful.
In between contractions, my husband and I would look into each other’s eyes and for some reason, we just couldn’t stop giggling, still in disbelief. That familiar giggle is the love we have so often come back to find our footing in unfamiliar, but beautiful territory. Throughout contractions, I also talked to Kara about music, a common theme during our prenatal visits. I couldn’t believe how beautiful this labor was. As every contraction began I would stop mid sentence and meet every contraction with closed eyes, my breath, or a moan. The water helped ease the peak of every contraction as I moved around effortlessly. Holding my doula’s perfectly shaped hands made me feel so comforted and grounded.
Between 8pm and 10:30pm, this is where things began to get fuzzy for me as I slipped into labor land. My contractions began to pick up in intensity and I started to notice Kara and my other midwife making moves as they put gloves on and shined a light to see if baby was making their way earth side. The one thing that Kara said to me that really helped with contractions was “let it get big, I’m soft and open”. I needed to say these words out loud as I started to feel the intense sensation of contractions building closer in time and bigger in intensity. Suddenly, I felt the urge to go downstairs to my bedroom – my den, my safest place. I found myself getting out of the birthing tub and saying “I wanna go to the shower”. I was entering transition as I transitioned downstairs.
Once I got into my shower, I felt the urge to scream, not in a painful way but in an intensifying releasing way. I asked Kevin to hand me a washcloth to scream into and bite on. I never felt scared or that I wasn’t able to get through it. I knew that being in transition was supposed to feel this way, and was typically the shortest and hardest phase. However, I felt lost in the intensity.
In the shower, I saw Kara’s flashlight calmly emerge from the darkness to see if baby was coming. “I’m not sure what I need right now”, I told Kara. She knelt down and responded calmly “Would you like me to check you?” I quickly nodded and made moves to my bed on hands and knees. I started to feel like a bowling ball was about to come through my butt. As Kara checked me she told me that I was 10cm with an anterior cervical lip that she could reduce. She asked if she could reduce the cervical lip and once again I quickly nodded as I was ready to do anything to work with these contractions to push and meet my baby.
After Kara reduced the cervical lip, I felt the uncontrollable urge to sit on the toilet, but I wasn’t sure if I needed to poop, push, or both. Again, I was lost in the intensity. At this point, Kara told my husband to sit on the edge of the bed as I sat in front of him on the birthing stool. Finally, being told to sit down allowed me to center myself and gather my intensity to push.
Kara knelt in front of me as I looked at her and she smiled at me. I finally felt relaxed and smiled back. Kara took my hand to meet my baby’s head. It was amazing to finally push with the contractions, we both laughed just as we did so many times during our prenatal visits. Exchanging big smiles made me feel so safe and centered in my body again. Kara then said “baby’s head is turtling” which in the birth world meant there might be a shoulder dystocia coming. I asked if I should flip over into the Gaskin position. Kara responded, cool as cucumber, said “no, you’re perfect”. Kara adjusted baby’s head slightly and with another push, my baby popped right out and into my arms.
It was pure, joyful, and overwhelmingly beautiful. I thought my baby was a boy my entire pregnancy, but quickly lifted her leg to see I had just birthed our second daughter at 10:58pm after 12 minutes of pushing. I was instantly high and blissed out. I pushed out a beautiful 10 pound 4 ounce baby girl with no stitches – I felt like a superhuman. I delivered the placenta moments after with our brand new baby girl, Tully, still attached and skin to skin. I remember that cheesy grin never leaving my face after crawling into bed. Kevin then fed me the best bagel and cold beer in our warm cozy bed.
One of my most memorable moments in the immediate postpartum was watching Kara carefully assess our daughter Tully. I have assessed hundreds of newborns during my time as a nurse but have never witnessed such a thoughtful, gentle, mindful assessment of checking every nook and cranny of our Tully’s perfect little body. It’s a moment that will stick with me forever as a mom and nurse.
Everyone that was present for my birth made me feel so incredibly loved, confident, and safe. I’m not sure how to end my story in a way that captures the magical and peaceful feeling I felt that night. But I guess naming our daughter Tully, which means “peaceful” in Gaelic, will forever hold the highest truth. A fitting name for the calm, loving birth that we experienced on that stormy night at Ocean Beach.
